Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Complete Control

Ian O'Doherty is my preferred Irish Independent columnist ("Is there a more horrible, disgusting and violent place than Saudi Arabia?..."), but he has been slightly caught out today, although he seems to realise it:
'John Cleese has had enough of America, it would appear. The comedy
legend is sick of the way the country is going and, as is his wont, has decided
to deliver a message to our colonial brethren.


According to Cleese, due to America's inability to find a suitable
candidate for president, it's time their independence was revoked and he wants
to put Betty back on the American throne.


But that's not all; in fact he has some rather interesting new rules. These include: "Look up aluminium and then look up a pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at how wrong you have been pronouncing it."


He also suggests that: "You will learn to resolve personal issues without recourse to guns, lawyers or therapists. You will no longer be allowed to carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. And you'll need a permit for one of those.

You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not chips and those things you insist on calling chips are not chips, but crisps."

But perhaps the most important demand was his insistence that: "You will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to call an event the 'World Series' when the game is not played outside America. You will play cricket instead. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of football; you call it soccer."

And how do we know the great man has issued this diktat? Well, a bloke I met on the d'interweb sent it to me, so it has to be kosher, right?'

Well not quite. It was an email that did the rounds after the last US election and Snopes shows how it's an urban legend to attribute it to John Cleese. You can read the whole thing there. Funny if you're a Brit, I suppose.
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