Wednesday, February 09, 2005

All I Want Is You

Last night at about 3am I was debating posting something. I was lying on my mate's couch trying to sleep but I just couldn't. I started reliving a conversation I had with a girl from work in a club last Friday night. The gay bloke from work was having a night out because he's left to go travelling in Australia (as so, so many Irish people seem to have been doing for the last ten years or so). Anyway this girl is also gay, which I've known as long as I know her, and we get on very well.

She was telling me first about some of the grief she gets and then about her girlfriend and how, even though they've both changed in the five years they're going together, she still knows this girl is the one for her. To my shame, I realised something at that moment - gay people aren't just physically attracted to people of their own sex, they're emotionally attracted too (to the right person, of course). It's not just that, say, a man prefers the body of another man or how he looks or dresses to a woman, he emotionally connects with another man in the way he just can't with a woman. How come that never occured to me before?

What talking to my friend made me realise was that, despite having crushes on a multitude of girls, and going out with a couple of real pets that I'm still in touch with, I've never had that emotional connection with any girl that makes me want to spend every moment with her. Therefore I don't even know how that's supposed to feel or how I'm ever going to find that. Also, complete skeptic that I am, I now wonder how many couples genuinely have that and how many are going out with their partners for more base reasons - comfort, familiarity, peer pressure... short-sightedness?... I mean just how likely is it that in this world of 6 billion people that your soulmate is to be found in your class in school or college? And, seeing as so many people I know that are in serious, settled relationships have been with the same partner since their late 'teens or early twenties, how can you possibly know if you and your partner belong together when you're still too young to fully know your own self?
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